Sending and Receiving

The practice of sending and receiving is called tonglen in Tibetan Buddhism. The word tonglen combines tong, which means sending out, with len which means receiving.

Chögyam Trungpa teaches the practice of sending and receiving as a sitting meditation. Here is how he describes sending and receiving meditation in his book Training the Mind & Cultivating Loving-Kindness.

The practice of tonglen is quite straightforward; it is an actual sitting meditation practice. You give away your happiness, your pleasure, anything that feels good. All of that goes out with the outbreath. As you breathe in, you breathe in any resentments and problems, anything that feels bad. …We do not first have to sort out our doctrinal definitions of goodness and evil. We simply breathe out any old good and breathe in any old bad.

– Chögyam Trungpa ¹

In order to promote goodness in the world, you give out everything good, the best that you have, and you breathe in other people’s problems, their misery, their torment. You take in their pain on their behalf.

– Chögyam Trungpa ²

What Chögyam Trungpa teaches as a sitting meditation, I do my best to practice in everyday life. I do what I can to receive the suffering, anger, or other negativity that people put into the world. I then do what I can to send out compassion, calmness, or other positivity to others in response.

By practicing sending and receiving in everyday life, I become a source of compassion and positivity. I help bring compassion and positivity into the world.

By practicing sending and receiving in everyday life, I absorb suffering and negativity. I help remove suffering and negativity from the world.

For me, the practice of sending and receiving begins with a transformation of motivations. My motivations are transformed by care. When I care for other people, I include them in my motivations. I still act in ways that result in positive outcomes for myself. However, I also consider how my actions affect other people. I am motivated to act in ways that result in positive outcomes both for myself and for other people.

Three signs of transformed motivations are:

• Accommodation – I tolerate small imperfections and mistakes made by other people.
• Sacrifice – I willingly give up something for the benefit of other people.
• Forgiveness – I ask forgiveness for my own mistakes and wrongdoings, and I forgive other people for their mistakes and wrongdoings. If I am unable to forgive someone, then at least I do not harm that person.

Accommodation, sacrifice, and forgiveness all play a role in the practice of sending and receiving.

If I practice sending and receiving because I want to other people to experience well-being, then my actions are guided by “approach motivation.” Approach motivation means that my actions are driven by a desire to bring about positive goals or outcomes. Practicing sending and receiving out of approach motivation leads me to experience a greater sense of authenticity, psychological reward, and satisfaction.

If I practice sending and receiving because I feel obligated by duty, moral rules, or social expectations, then my actions are guided by “avoidance meditation.” Avoidance motivation means that my actions are driven by a desire to avoid negative experiences or negative outcomes (e.g., being criticized or ostracized by others). Practicing sending and receiving out of avoidance motivation leads me to experience a sense of coercion, resentment, and dissatisfaction.

You don’t practice tonglen and then wait for the effect. You just do it and then drop it. You don’t look for results. Whether it works or not, you just do it and drop it, do it and drop it. If it doesn’t work, you take in, and if it works, you give out. So you do not possess anything. That is the whole idea. When anything comes out well, you give it away; if anything does not work out, you take it in.

– Chögyam Trungpa ³

I do not practice sending and receiving with the expectation that it will always result in beneficial outcomes.

I do not practice sending and receiving with the expectation that other people will act towards me in the same way.

I do not practice sending and receiving with the expectation that it will make me popular or create friendships.

Instead, I practice sending and receiving to fulfill my ethical and spiritual commitments without expecting any specific outcomes.

1. Chögyam Trungpa (1993). Training the Mind & Cultivating Loving-Kindness. Boston, MA: Shambala Publications. Quote taken from page 26.
2. Chögyam Trungpa (1993). Training the Mind & Cultivating Loving-Kindness. Boston, MA: Shambala Publications. Quote taken from page 29.
3. Chögyam Trungpa (1993). Training the Mind & Cultivating Loving-Kindness. Boston, MA: Shambala Publications. Quote taken from page 32.