Loving My Enemies

You have heard that it has been said, “You must love your neighbor and hate those who hate you.” But I tell you, love those who hate you. Respect and give thanks for those who say bad things to you. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who do bad things to you and who make it hard for you.

– Matthew 5: 43-44 ¹

Let us live in joy, never hating those who hate us. Let us live in freedom, without hatred even among those who hate.

– Dhammapada ²

Loving my enemies does not mean having affectionate or sentimental feelings for them. I do not have to “like” my enemies in order to show love for them. I show love for my enemies by extending compassion to them when they suffer, by being concerned about their basic human needs, by not seeking revenge against them, and by forgiving their wrongdoings against me. I am by no means perfect in loving my enemies. Yet, I remain committed to doing my best to love my enemies.

Hating my enemies does nothing to remove hatred and suffering from the world. As long as I hate my enemies, hatred remains in the world, and suffering will follow.

Harming my enemies in the name of “justice” or “revenge” results in harm to myself. It undermines my ethical and spiritual commitments. It numbs my feelings of compassion. It accustoms me to mistreating others. I become more susceptible to mistreating people who have done nothing wrong other than irritate or annoy me. My increased susceptibility to mistreating others can even spill over to my relationships with people I love and care about.

It is easy to see the faults of others; we winnow them like chaff. It is hard to see our own; we hide them as a gambler hides a losing draw. But when one keeps dwelling on the faults of others, his own compulsions grow worse, making it harder to overcome them.

– Dhammapada ⁵

Harming others in the name of “justice” or “revenge” is not something that I take lightly. It is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to be a person who does not hurt others with unkind acts, words, or thoughts.

Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote a sermon called Loving Your Enemies.⁶ In the sermon, he describes three ways to show love for one’s enemies.

The first way I can show love for my enemies is through my willingness to forgive them. A person who is completely devoid of forgiveness has a very limited capacity to love. It is important to understand, however, what forgiveness does and does not mean.

Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means, rather, that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship. Forgiveness is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning. It is the lifting of a burden or the cancelling of a debt.

– Martin Luther King, Jr. ⁷

The second way I can show love for my enemies is to not reduce my enemies to their harmful words or actions. People’s harmful words and actions never fully capture who they are as human beings. All people (including me) have harmful tendencies within them. All people (including me) have loving tendencies within them. All people struggle with these opposing tendencies. To reduce my enemies to nothing more than their harmful tendencies is to not fully acknowledge their humanity.

The third way I can show love for my enemies is by not seeking to humiliate them or defeat them. Situations may arise where I have an opportunity to humiliate my enemies. Circumstances may give me the opportunity to defeat my enemies. However, humiliating and defeating my enemies does not eliminate animosity. Humiliating and defeating my enemies leaves negative feelings and sets up the possibility of renewed conflict in the future.

When opportunities to humiliate or defeat my enemies arise, the opportunity also arises to seek friendship and understanding with my enemies. Friendship and understanding builds goodwill that would otherwise be blocked by hatred and vengeance.

1. Matthew 5: 43-44. Bible, New Life Version (NLV). Available online at Bible Gateway.
2. The Dhammapada. Translated by Eknath Easwaran (1985, 2007). Easwaran’s Classics of Indian Spirituality, Book 3. Nilgiri Press. Kindle Edition. Quote taken from page 177.
3. The Dhammapada. Translated by Eknath Easwaran (1985, 2007). Easwaran’s Classics of Indian Spirituality, Book 3. Nilgiri Press. Kindle Edition. Verses on page 106 read, “For hatred can never put an end to hatred; love alone can. This is an unalterable law.”
4. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1963). A Gift of Love: Sermons from Strength to Love and Other Preachings. Boston, MA: Beacon Press. Kindle Edition. On page 123, King writes, “Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear; only love can do that. Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.”
5. The Dhammapada. Translated by Eknath Easwaran (1985, 2007). Easwaran’s Classics of Indian Spirituality, Book 3. Nilgiri Press. Kindle Edition. Quote taken from page 196.
6. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1963). A Gift of Love: Sermons from Strength to Love and Other Preachings. Boston, MA: Beacon Press. Kindle Edition.
7. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1963). A Gift of Love: Sermons from Strength to Love and Other Preachings. Boston, MA: Beacon Press. Kindle Edition. Quote taken from page 47.