Listening carefully to another person is a form of compassion. My ability to listen carefully improves when I practice the following principles.
- Pay Attention — I fully concentrate on what the person is saying. I mentally screen out any distractions happening around me. I do not think about what I will say next.
- Empathize — I put myself in the person’s shoes. I try to imagine what the person is saying. I try to understand the person’s thoughts, feelings, and perspective.
- Show Interest — I convey my interest in what the person is saying through verbal and nonverbal cues, like nodding my head or saying “yes” to encourage them to continue speaking.
- Paraphrase — I paraphrase what the person has said as the conversation proceeds. I confirm my grasp of the other person’s point of view.
- Ask Questions — I ask questions to better understand what the other person is saying. I ask the person to explain things that are not clear to me. However, I try not to interrupt. I wait for the person to pause before asking questions.
- Withhold Judgment — I remain open to new ideas, perspectives, and possibilities. Even when I have strong views, I suspend my judgment about what the person is saying. I hold back criticisms and avoid arguments.
- Just Listen — I remind myself that a person may simply want me to listen. They may not want anything more from me. I do my best to not get distracted by thinking about “solutions” or “fixes” to a person’s problems. Instead, I focus on listening to what the person is saying.