Aware that looking deeply at the nature of suffering can help us to develop compassion and find ways out of suffering, we are determined not to avoid or close our eyes before suffering. We are committed to finding ways, including personal contact, images, and sounds, to be with those who suffer, so we can understand their situation deeply and help them transform their suffering into compassion, peace, and joy.
When I care for a person, I do my best to respect that person’s autonomy. I offer my help without trying to control the results. I do not impose my own ideas about what actions should be taken or what outcomes should be sought. Instead, I follow the lead of the person who is suffering, allowing that person to guide when and how I help.
Respecting a person’s autonomy requires me to learn about that person. I need to learn when the person wants my help and when the person does not want my help. I need to learn what the person needs and how the person prefers to satisfy those needs. I need to learn what abilities, strengths, and limitations the person possesses. I need to learn what might help the person flourish. This process of learning never ends. There is always more to learn about a person.
I can care for someone through many types of actions:
- being present
- listening
- talking
- comforting
- encouraging
- accompanying
- helping
- sharing
- giving.
My actions to care for a person are most effective when I am authentic in my interactions with that person. I behave naturally, as myself. What I say and do genuinely reflects how I think and feel. Pretending to be what I am not interferes with the honest and trusting interactions necessary to effectively care for someone.
My actions to care for a person are most effective when I admit my mistakes. I sometimes make mistakes when I try help someone. When this happens, it is important for me to listen to the person’s feedback. It is important for me to learn from my mistakes and to correct myself.
My actions to care for a person are most effective when I spend time caring for myself and enjoying my life. I need to satisfy my own needs, grow as a person, and nurture happiness and love in my life. Caring for myself renews the personal resources that I have available to care for others.
Steadfast care means not giving up when a person makes a mistake or brings about difficult situations. I do my best to remain consistent in caring for that person. I try to be a patient and reliable companion while that person struggles to overcome obstacles or solve problems.
Steadfast care also means holding onto hope for a person. A person may doubt their ability to escape suffering and return to a more satisfying life. Yet, the present is full of possibilities for growth and positive change. I do my best to remain confident in a person’s potential to create a more satisfying life—even if that person has lost this confidence.
- Thich Nhat Hanh (1998). Interbeing, 3rd Edition. Berkeley, CA: Parallax Press. Kindle Edition. Quote takem from page 18.